At Blue Avocado, it’s April 1 and we’re thinking about changing our name: help us decide! One possibility is the Blue Avocado Foundation, which would allow us to receive the sucking-up of hundreds of nonprofits every day. We would declare ourselves in strategic planning mode for three years, during which we could debate “outcome” vs. “impact,” and “marginalized” vs. “disadvantaged.” (As a regular nonprofit, we could never have considered suspending operations for long periods of time in order to plan.)
Alternatively, we’re considering Church of the Blue Avocado, which would mean we can skip Form 990, report nothing to anyone about anything, and still keep our tax-exempt status. And design some gorgeous choir robes, too. Whaddya think, readers?
There’s other great news in April for nonprofits. Read on. –Jan Masaoka
Obama Administration Hires Senior Official Not from the Gates Foundation
Submitted by Michael Edwards
In a move that sent shock waves through Washington and the Gates Foundation, President Obama has appointed 55-year-old Dolores Piñata to head a new blue-ribbon Commission on the Future of Philanthropy. Piñata, a 30-year veteran of community organizing in Arizona, was selected ahead of the favorite for the post, 19-year-old Josh McKinsey, an intern at the Gates Foundation.
New Law To Require Nonprofit CEOs to Carry Handguns
Submitted by Penny Eardley, Executive Director, San Francisco Public Health Foundation
Both houses of Congress passed the Charity Required Arms Protection (CRAP) Act, legislation which preserves nonprofit organizations’ 501(c)3 tax-exempt status only as long as the CEO and all board members of the charity agree to carry handguns at all times. “Arming our charitable executives will go a long way to ensuring safety in our nation’s workplace,” said the bill’s sponsor, Citizens for CRAP, a bipartisan special interest group.
Flexible Straws for the Sick Sucks
Submitted by Lee Kaplan, Founder and Executive Director, ViewPoint Peer Counseling, Cameron Park, California
Flexible Straws for the Sick, a New York-based nonprofit has a serious problem. When the organization gave 2,000 flexible straws to people with the flu, they intended to serve all in need. The supply of chicken soup did not last. Now there are over 500 sick people with just flexible straws for relief.
Nonprofits Begin “Too Small to Fail” Movement
Submitted by Dan Lozier, Pastor, Mayflower, Sioux City, Iowa
Nonprofit advocates picketed the White House on Monday with 3×5 cards saying “Too Little to Fail”. “Yes, there are big nonprofits as well as small ones,” declared nonprofit leader Shelby Long. “We are too little to fail, especially the children’s charities,” added the ghost of Danny Thomas.
Conflict Resolution Nonprofit Finds New Revenue Stream
Submitted by Leanne Jaskowiak, Peacemaker Resources, Bemidji, Minnesota
The staff of Peacemaker Resources will be fanning out on April 1, 2013 to create conflicts in retail stores, restaurants, school offices, law enforcement agencies and elsewhere. All requests for mediation arising from conflicts created on April 1 will receive a 35% discount from the Peacemaker Resources.
Pope-A-Palooza and Tom’s Shoes
Submitted by Sara Sternberger, Executive Director, Bridging, Twin Cities, Minnesota
During the month of April, for every pair of red loafers purchased from Tom’s Shoes, another pair will be donated to the new Pope. “This is just another way that Pope Francis can reach out to the masses while supporting a good cause,” said a Vatican spokesperson.
Supreme Court Bows to Facebook
“I was convinced by all those red equal signs on Facebook,” said swing voter Supreme Court Justice Kennedy. “How could I vote against same-sex marriage given those?” he asked. The Court appeared deadlocked, though, on whether the national dance should be Gangnam Style or Harlem Shake.
Congratulations to Blue Avocado readers for submitting items for this special April Fool’s Day issue: Penny Eardley, Cathy Enright, Michael Edwards, Leslie Garvin, Leanne Jaskowiak, Lee Kaplan, Dan Lozier, Sarah Martinez-Helfman and Sara Sternberger. Your books are on the way!
Who picked the winners, anyway? Thanks to our judges Siobhan Kelley of the Nonprofit Insurance Alliance Group (and part of the Ask Rita team), Blue Avocado humor columnist Vu Le, and Blue Avocado project manager Susan Sanow. They know April Fool’s Day funny when they see it!
NEXT ISSUE: Our next “regular” issue comes out next week . . . keep your eye out for What Your Nonprofit Needs to Know About Healthcare Reform, Have Your Cake and Restrict It Too, Matrix Map for Financial Sustainability, and more. JM